


We Don't Exist Anymore

by CosmicMind



Category: Gotham (TV)
Genre: Angst, M/M, Other characters mentioned - Freeform, Past Relationship(s), more or less talking about their past relationship, this is really not a gobblepot fic
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-03-29
Updated: 2017-03-29
Packaged: 2018-10-12 10:12:47
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,162
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10488507
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/CosmicMind/pseuds/CosmicMind
Summary: After Oswald's heartbreak, he seeks Jim at one in the morning for moral support.





	

**Author's Note:**

> Don't come in expecting real shipping stuff. This is more of them talking about their past friends with benefits relationship (btw this is kinda canon divergence but whatever)

To be quite honest, Jim didn't know how, if ever, he'd make up with Oswald. 

 

For the longest time he knew that abandoning Oswald at Arkham, yet failed to realize that that was kind of a dick move. Saving himself was important, yes, but at what cost? There's no telling what exactly Hugo Strange did to him, which could have been Jim, had he chosen loyalty over self preservation. Was it really worth living with the thought of abandoning a true friend? And had he taken the blame, would he be a different man today, and would he rather be that man than who he is now, and take back everything he had done within the past six months? Looking back on it, he also couldn't see how much he meant to Oswald in multiple ways. He relied on his relationship with Jim, eager as ever to see him and never holding grudges, even when Jim would hold them. There was no reason for Oswald to like him. But nevertheless, Oswald still came back.

 

What Jim didn't expect was Oswald coming back to him at one in the morning on a Tuesday, shirt untucked and tie missing, with one hand on his cane and the other one around a bottle of vodka.

 

“James, how glad I am to see you, old friend!” Oswald nasally chimed, grinning and waving with the vodka still in his bare hand. Jim just stood there in shock, taken aback by this unplanned visit and Oswald’s strange appearance. He peeked out beyond Oswald, looking for the body guards he always has with him, but none were to be seen. Being vulnerable out at night was something most unusual for Oswald, as it would be for any mayor of the hell hole known as Gotham. Either someone was trying to kill Oswald, or he decided to screw being mayor. “Is something the matter?”

 

“Oh, uh… heya, Oswald,” was all Jim could say.

 

“Did I disturb you from your sleep? I know it's late, and you must be working tomorrow”

 

“No, I was just watching something. What do you-”

 

Before Jim could finish his statement, Oswald had already pushed past Jim and limping himself to the shabby couch. With a heavy sigh, Jim shut the front door. This is fine. It's not like he wanted to relax tonight or anything. Oswald plopped onto one of the cushions and abandoned his cane to the floor, which gave a striking sound to the ancient floorboards. Oswald’s disheveled appearance matched the decor of Jim’s place, as well as Jim himself- who was still in his GCPD shirt and pants, bare feet, and damp hair that still clung to his face in thick clumps from his shower earlier. It was weird to see Cobblepot- who lived a lavish lifestyle of Gothic architecture and fancy foods- fitting the same aesthetic as the rugged former bounty hunter Jim Gordon. Jim sat next to Oswald at the other end of the couch.

 

“Do you want any?” Oswald asked as he motioned the vodka bottle towards Jim, “It's a fresh bottle. I had gotten it a while ago, but I don’t drink vodka that much, so I thought to myself, ‘You know who’d like this? James Gordon.’ So here I am.” The air of this Oswald carried a much different weight than the one who went from umbrella boy to the king of Gotham. The formalities that Oswald used to mask a lot of his emotions had vanished, and he couldn’t give a hoot about who saw him in this state. Jim still couldn’t figured out if he liked this Oswald over the other one.

 

“No, I'm trying to avoid that stuff for a while,” Jim replied. The last thing he wanted was to go back to being so depressed that he got himself piss drunk every night just so he didn't jump off the roof already. He got his job back, he finally started taking medication for his issues- everything was fine. Besides, his liver needed a break.

 

“Very well.” Unceremoniously, Oswald opened the vodka and drank it straight from the bottle, resembling a shadow of Jim’s past self. It didn't help that Oswald looked exhausted from all his mayoral duties, and his other issues that his time at Arkham probably never solved.

 

“Guess you don't need a glass, then.” Had Oswald completely forgotten how much of a selfish asshole Jim was? Jim was a man blinded by the pursuit of justice. He always pursued what he thought was right, yet could never see that he was willing to throw others away to make himself feel better. No wonder he couldn’t keep any women. “How’d you get here? Did you drive?”

 

Oswald removed the bottle away from his lips and laughed at Jim. “Of course not!” he replied, “The mayor of Gotham does not drive anywhere. I had one of my men drive me.”

 

“At one in the morning?”

 

“Please, when I have to do the occasional meetings with Gotham’s underground, it is only natural. Though I try to be more generous with the tipping after midnight.”

 

“Alright, alright. But where’s Nygma? He’s always glued to your hip whenever you’re in public. Where is he now?”

 

Oswald didn’t reply at first, clenching his teeth behind his smile and took a deep breath. “He had other plans tonight, so it was just me and Olga at the house.”

 

“Olga?”

 

“My maid. She’s a miracle worker. Couldn’t live without her. But she, eh… isn’t one for conversation. She’s from Ukraine? Romania? Somewhere like that.”

 

“So I’m backup?”

 

“No, no, you’re wonderful company! It’s just been so long since I’ve seen you, and I wanted to check up on you.” Oswald set down his bottle on the cluttered coffee table, over yesterday’s newspaper. He took notice to an empty orange bottle amongst the cluttered and picked it up, examining it. Jim really wished he hadn’t randomly showed up into his life again, at least not now.

 

“Antidepressants?” Oswald asked.

 

“Yep…” Jim muttered, hoping this wouldn’t become a conversation that devolved into yet another person being concerned for his wellbeing (Harvey was enough), “Need to get that bottle refilled, but work’s been pretty slammed lately.”

 

“When did you get these?”

 

“Couple months ago. Do we really need to talk about this?” Jim snapped.

 

Oswald was taken aback by Jim’s sudden raised voice and he clumsily set the bottle back on the table. Instead, he went back to drinking his vodka.

 

Jim was about to go back to watching TV and ignore Oswald for a while, but then remembered that Oswald has been here for not even five minutes without a single explanation for why he was there. “Hey wait, Cobblepot.”

 

Oswald stopped drinking and wiped his mouth with the end of his sleeve. “Yes, James?”

 

“Why are you here, again?”

 

“Well I had a light schedule and decided to pay an old friend a visit. After all, I partially thank my election as mayor to you, after you rounded up those monsters. So I figured, well…” The stern look on Jim’s face showed that he could see through Oswald’s lie, and Oswald backed out on his words. Jim scooted a bit closer to Oswald and looked him in the eyes.

 

“C’mon Oswald, what’s wrong?” Jim said.

 

“It’s… her.  _ She’s  _ what’s wrong.”

 

“Her who?’

 

“Isabell- _ ah _ ,” Oswald cursed, as if uttering her name was physically painful, “Everything was great, until she showed up and ruined it all.”

 

“Can you, uh, fill me in on who exactly she is?”

 

“A succubus. A siren. Just when everything was going so well- I was so ready to tell him with a fancy dinner and everything- she snatched Ed right between my fingers with her little librarian getup and honeyed words.” Jim had only rarely seen Oswald this upset. Held back tears pricked at his green eyes and his hands were shaking with rage.

 

“So you’re jealous?”

 

“What, no! I mean… well yes, but she… she doesn’t even know him like I know him! Ed and I have  _ history _ ; we saved each other from our low points, and we were a powerhouse. Nothing could beat the power of mayor Cobblepot and his most trusted advisor. I thought… I thought he cared about me. After all this time, how could I lose to someone he barely knows anything about?”

 

Jim straightened his lips as he nodded and listened. “You love Nygma?” he added.

 

Oswald froze, hesitated, but gave a hasty nod. “Yes. More than anything.”

 

This display reminded Jim all too much of himself. He couldn’t let Lee go, but he knew that she had to be happy, even if it was with someone else and not Jim. Not a day went by where Jim wasn’t stopped thinking about and loving her. But she was gone, and that feeling was so hard to be okay with. It burned within and tortured his very soul with the thought of another chance at happiness gone.

 

Oswald turned to Jim with a crooked smile and put both of his hands on his shoulders. “Let’s get back together! For real, this time!” he proposed. If Jim had decided to drink tonight, he would have spit it out.

 

“What?” Jim protested, “Why would you wanna do that? You were just groaning about that you loved Nygma.”

 

“But this can still work. I miss us. You were the reason I strove to be who I am because I knew that you were there for me. We had something, Jim. Forget Ed, let’s have a real relationship this time!”

 

For a moment, that almost sounded like a good idea. His former relationship with Penguin wasn’t too bad; by day they were good business partners, and by night they shared such a strong intimacy. It was nice to have someone to indulge in physically, even when times were tough. They had a connection, yet…

 

“No.”

 

Oswald’s face fell and he leaned closer to Jim. “Why? I thought we… that we were… y’know.”

 

“A), because you’re starting to get drunk, and B) because what we had no longer exists. We were both wild and confused then, but there was no love. We fucked, and then left, over and over again. If there was love, I no longer have it. I love… someone else, and so do you. Even if they are with other people right now, we need to stop this game so we can move on. ‘We’ don’t exist anymore.”

 

The tension was thick in the air, and Oswald sat back in his original position, looking defeated.  _ ‘Shit, now I feel like an asshole,’  _ Jim thought, regretting his word choice. He sat closer to Oswald and put an arm around his former partner.

 

“That’s not what I-” he began, but Oswald cut him off.

 

“I know what you meant,” Oswald breathed, ‘I’m not stupid, Jim. I knew you would say no, yet I clung to the sliver of a chance that you would agree. You’ve moved on, and I couldn’t let go. Now I don’t even know what- or who- I want. Pathetic, is it not?”

 

“Then why did you ask? You think this is going to get back at Nygma?”

 

“Because… I don’t know.”

 

Instead of making Oswald more upset with just words, Jim pulled him into a tight embrace. Oswald was shocked initially, but put his hands around Jim’s muscular frame in return as Jim stroked his messy, greasy hair.

 

“Oswald,” Jim whispered.

 

“Yes?”

 

“This has to stop. I know we had something, but we can never go back to that time. Things are different now, and I know that either of us could never really love each other. And… I’m sorry.”

 

“Sorry for what? I should be the one apologizing for barging in and trying to be part of your life again.”

 

“No, for everything. I left you at Arkham to rot while I saved my own ass, and every time i see you on the news or in the paper I think of how much I’ve wanted to just say I’m sorry, even if I couldn’t see it at first. And I’m sorry for treating you like shit and never realising how much I valued our friendship. I took my own troubles out on you, and you just kept coming back because… I guess you liked me. So please… be mad and hate me if you want. I won’t stop you. At least if you hated me I wouldn’t have to live with not knowing what our relationship is.”

 

They were both silent for a while, except for Oswald sniffling as he shed some tears into Jim’s shoulder, motionless in that embrace. The TV was still playing the news about usual Gotham crime in the background, the light of the screens bouncing of the two in flashes of color. Oswald was the one to break the silence.

 

“I don’t hate you. I couldn’t, even if I tried.”

 

“I know you won’t.”

**Author's Note:**

> I also draw gotham stuff at chibi-scribbles.tumblr.com


End file.
